A520.2.3.RB_HansardCarey
I
cannot think of anyone who has to manage conflict more than a parent. I have 2
sons who love each other and get along most of the time, but they also have
their moments. The particular conflict I am referencing today involves both of
them wanting to join spring baseball teams. There are several issues involved
in that request that made it difficult for me to say yes. My younger son, who
is 7, is athletic. He played fall baseball for the first time last fall and he did
very well. He was excited about playing ball again in the spring and we were
looking forward to it, as well. My older son, 12, is not the least bit
athletic. He is more of an academic. He enjoys school and he loves to play the
saxophone. He has not played any organized sports since soccer about 7 years
ago which left him with the realization that running on his flat feet was not
doing his body any favors. So it was a surprise when, after registration for a
neighboring city had ended, (the one where we registered our younger son) he
announced that he wanted to play baseball. This is where the conflict ensued. I
work nights for ERAU frequently, I just started my master’s program here, my
husband is in law enforcement and cannot always be relied upon to take the kids
to their functions, through no fault of his own, and I had already committed to
take my other son to practices and games three nights per week. So, I told him
no. His point of view was that he should be allowed to play a sport, too. He
also pointed out that his friend would be playing for this same city and he
wanted to be able to play with him. My point was that I was already stretching
myself thin trying to find time to do things for everyone else. He explained
that he really wanted to try to play and that it was important to him.
My
role in this situation was that of busy and guilt-ridden mom. How can I tell
him no but let my other son participate? My husband said that he would do what
he could, but the fact remained that I was the one who would have to leave work
at 5, pick both boys up at different places, and have both of them to practices
and/or games at basically the same time. In order to try to resolve the
problem, I told my son that if his friend’s mom was able to bring him to
practices on days when my younger son had something at the same time, I would
register him. So the end result was that she agreed to help and, as it turns
out, her husband ended up coaching and my son and his friend were on the same
team. As I write this blog entry, it is 6:30pm and I am sitting at the baseball
field of my older son. I left work at 5, picked up one child, brought the other
child his baseball gear, took the first child to his game in one city where my
husband met him, and then went back to the older child’s fields in another city
to watch him for a short time before heading home.
In
the future, I see much room for improvement in this area. I need to be sure
that my older son, if he is interested in this again, needs to decide ahead of
time so that both children can be in the same city. It would help a little,
anyway. Although I do not see a way to avoid it, I need to try not to be
influenced by guilt. It is hard to stay sane and have time to clean, cook
dinner, make lunches for the next day, help with homework, etc… when you are at
baseball games 4 nights a week in two different places; however, if I were not
so guilt-ridden, I would have said no. Aside from that, I am happy when my
children are happy. I love to see them succeed in their endeavors so, although
it is a pain, I feel as though we ended the conflict with a win-win for both
sides. Take me out to the ballgame!!!
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